Dear Chaitanya Mangala Prabhu,

Thank you for your 1.7.07 open letter published in the Sampradaya Sun. I am grateful that you shared your thoughts: "I have been stigmatized by this isolated period in my life. This humiliation has lasted much longer and affected me more deeply than the actual experience."

I apologize for not being aware of the stigma you experience; I did not intend to cause you any further humiliation. I will not use your name anymore without your permission. Please forgive me.

"You weren't there twenty years ago to help me when I left New Vrindaban in fear of retribution from some of Kirtanananda’s staunchest supporters."

Correct. Please let me tell a story about this. During the summer of 1993 at New Vrindaban there was much talk and hearsay about Kirtanananda's alleged pedophilia. So much so, that I decided to conduct my own investigation to try to find actual eyewitness reports, not just speculation and gossip.

I began by traveling to Elkins, West Virginia, to read the transcript of Kirtanananda's 1991 trial. I read your testimony with great interest and even some disbelief. This was the first eyewitness report I had seen regarding Kirtanananda's pedophilia, and I was dumbfounded. I saw no reason to doubt your testimony, and the testimony of others in the transcript. Perhaps all these rumors and allegations I had heard through the years were true?

Reading your testimony effected a profound change in my life. Inspired by your courage, I continued my investigation and in October 1993 I sent out a 17-page letter to about 50 godbrothers presenting evidence and questioning Kirtanananda's integrity. I received some positive feedback from my endeavor, as well as some negative feedback, including one long-distance phone call from a godbrother in Malaysia who threatened: "If you don’t stop this blasphemy of Bhaktipada, you’re gonna be dead meat!"

When I read your court testimony from the 1991 trial, I considered you a hero (and still do) because you bravely spoke out against Kirtanananda with damning evidence, despite the danger to your personal self. You were one in a thousand, and your testimony was one of the deciding factors which caused me to seriously doubt my spiritual master's integrity. For this I will be forever grateful and indebted to you.

When I read the court transcript in 1993 I finally understood the significance of two incidents from 1986 when I lived for a time with other brahmacaries in the basement ashram of Kirtanananda's house. You were his 17-year-old personal servant. I will try to recollect these incidents to the best of my ability, as my memory is imperfect.

(1) After one February Sunday evening program at Kirtanananda's house-temple, among about 20 devotees in the temple room, I couldn't help noticing your father and step-mother, Dhanakeli and Kanka, pleading desperately with Kirtanananda to let you come home for a little while, as you had been acting as Maharaja's personal servant for maybe 2 or 3 weeks, 24 hours a day, without a break. Your father was practically begging Kirtanananda to release you for just a few hours, but Kirtanananda refused, even grabbing your arm and preventing you from leaving his company. At the time I had no idea of what was going on and did not say anything.

(2) Another time I was sitting all alone in the basement of Kirtanananda's house. I may have been waiting for someone in the shower to finish, so I could take my bath. You passed by and stopped to talk with me. You seemed very nervous about something, and your words were guarded and hesitant. You asked point blank, "Hrishikesh, what should a disciple do if his spiritual master appears to act in a way contrary to scriptural regulations regarding the four regulative principles?"

I replied like a parrot: "Prabhupada said that even if the spiritual master enters a liquor shop, the disciple must not doubt his guru, but must assume he has some legitimate business for preaching Krishna consciousness there."

You seemed disappointed in my response, you thanked me politely, and walked away.

At the time, I believed Kirtanananda was a pure devotee self-realized saint, and I thought that your question was simply philosophical. But now I realize that you were testing me; to see if I was open-minded enough that you might dare confide in me.

"You weren't there twenty years ago to help me. . ." I am very sorry about this, and I apologize. Today, I wish that I had the maturity and presence of mind on that day in 1986 to inquire from you submissively as to why you were asking that question. Perhaps I may have been able to help.

Please believe me when I say that you (and other former gurukulis who speak out) are and will always be a hero to me and to many other seekers of the truth. I am sorry that you were forced into this position and have experienced humiliation (which I assume must come from ignorant persons) as a result of it, but I am grateful none-the-less, because you opened my eyes.

Please let me know if I can be of any service to you.

Sincerely your servant,

Hrishikesh (Henry Doktorski)